the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
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