I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
