This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
