Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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