Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
she pinky promised me she was 18
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
