i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
