I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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