I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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