Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
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