I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
