Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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