I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
