So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
