I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
