I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
My underwear smells like fireworks.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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