I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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