Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
