i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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