Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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