It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
