Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
