tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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