What did we do last night that was yellow?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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