I wish my penis had an off switch
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Why can't burritos get me drunk
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
