Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
