I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize