It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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