It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
