some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
