Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
