Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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