I'm lost and stupid without you.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
