Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i drank out of a bidet.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
