Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize