I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize