We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
