you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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