I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
