I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
