All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
