Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Randomize
