She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
