he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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