If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
