Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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