just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
