well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
