omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
we're making bets on your personal life
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
