i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
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