I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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