I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
