Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
