I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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