He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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