you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
