i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
