Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
