I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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