how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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