What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
