But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize