Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
