i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
