p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
