I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She bit a glass in half.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Found your dick twin last night
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
