if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
No subtext here. People are naked.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
