You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
