Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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