This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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