Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
